I Am Just Sad That I Can’t Grow Old With You - Chapter 1 Part 1

While I had a good temper, my older brother was very mean.

I wished that one day God would give me an opportunity to knock him to the floor. I would have kicked him eighteen times and then humiliated him with the worst possible words for more than twenty-four hours.

My parents divorced when I was seven years old. At first, my mother had custody of me. After one year, my mother remarried, and I was sent to live with my father. Later, my father also remarried, and my stepmother got pregnant. Eventually, I was sent to live with my uncle.

My uncle, Liang Jianhui, was a smart man. It was rumored that in his youth, he was famous for being the black sheep of the family. He was great at making friends and indulging in a life of pleasure.

Together with my father, who worked at the Urban Development Administration, the two were considered great life examples in our county: he was the bad example, while my dad was the good one. My grandfather was so angry at him that his blood pressure often rose.

Then, unsure of where my uncle got a loan for a few trucks, he started running a transport business. Based on the connections he made, his business grew larger and expanded into a variety of fields. A few years later, he became the richest man in our county.

The year my dad got married, my uncle moved to the provincial capital. Back then, those who became rich were the ones who were brave and full of ideas. It was said that with only a high school education, he founded a technology company in the city.  He had employed many university and post-graduate students— considered rare in those days—to work under him.

During my full-month celebration, he drove back in a black car, gave me an expensive jade Buddha, and handed my mother a red envelope with 10,000 yuan to give to me. It shook our whole county, and since then, he had been an inspiration to many of the young people in our county.

He got married not long after, it was said that his wife’s family was very influential in the city. She brought with her a son who was five years older than me. When he and his wife returned to our county, my grandfather refused to see them, even though they didn’t bring the stepson with them.

My grandmother only sighed; I saw her wipe her tears in private, but in the end, she still gave our new aunt a gold ring. It meant that they finally approved of their marriage. My aunt was beautiful; she was polite but distant. I couldn’t imagine someone so young having a son that was older than me.

That night, they stayed at the best hotel in our county and left first thing in the morning.

I didn’t understand or care about what the adults thought. For someone who always longed for beauty, I simply liked my new aunt. She gave me a new dress, and I had never seen anyone so different before, nor had I seen a dress so pretty.

They rarely came back over the next few years, even if they did, it was only for New Year celebrations. They would return for only a single meal and then leave the same day.

When I was ten years old, my stepmother became pregnant.

She said to my grandfather, “You need to plan for a child’s future early. Education in the provincial capital is far better. Her uncle is also better off. In the future, even if our Yuan Yuan can’t get accepted into Tsinghua or Peking University, at least she can attend a good public university.” (Yuan Yuan in this case is the main character’s nickname.)

She said to my father, “Despite being married for so many years, he and that woman have not had their own child. He can raise someone else’s child—why can’t he raise his older brother’s child?”

I hid behind the door and stared at her face. Never had I hated someone so much. At the time, I didn’t understand. I smiled at her, tried to be obedient, and tried to please her. Why did she still want to get rid of me?

Not just her, but also my father, mother, and even my grandparents. Everyone was pretending that I was their favorite child, but no one wanted me to stay with them.

I went to look for my mother. When I opened the door, she was carrying a sleeping baby. When she saw the tears in my eyes, she looked nervous. She carefully placed the baby back in her crib and let me into the house. She helped me wipe my tears and quietly asked, “Was your stepmother mean to you?”

I cried, but she didn’t pay attention to what I was saying. Instead, she reminded me to speak more quietly.

She said, “Don’t wake your younger sister.”

At that moment, I stopped crying. The woman in front of me felt like a stranger that I didn’t recognize. A peculiar feeling rose in my chest, one I couldn’t describe at the time. Many years later, when I finally grew up and had many life experiences, I thought back to that feeling and finally realized that was what being heartbroken felt like.

My mother wasn’t on my side, she only said, “Your uncle would be a good option. I can’t take care of you now. Instead of letting you deal with your stepmother at home, it’s best for you to go and live with your uncle’s family.  He is your uncle by blood—he won’t mistreat you.”

I went to find my best friend, Liu Mengmeng, hugged her, and cried my heart out. She was confused and caught off guard, but she comforted me.

She said, “Yuan Yuan, it will be alright. You can still come back during the holidays. We can hang out, and we will always be best friends.”

She didn’t understand that I wasn’t crying because I was leaving. I was crying because nobody wanted me.

For a child, being abandoned felt like the end of the world.

When my uncle came to pick me up, I didn’t cry because I had cried so much that my tears had dried. When I thought back, I already understood back then that when you don’t have the ability to resist, all you can do is accept.

The one who cried the most was my grandmother. She held onto my hand and kept wiping her tears. After so many years, my grandfather finally spoke to my uncle. He said that I was the future of the Liang family and that he should treat me well.

My uncle smiled and agreed.

My grandmother told me, “Yuan Yuan, you need to be good, listen to your uncle. When you come back during the holidays, I’ll make good food for you.”

At that moment I wanted to hug my grandmother and beg her not to let me leave. I wanted to tell her that I would be good, that I would study hard, that I can help her cook and help her with the laundry… I was willing to do anything as long as she let me stay.

But the next moment, my uncle held onto my hand. His large hands were very warm.

He said, “Yuan Yuan, say goodbye to your grandparents. We are leaving.”

I was a shy and timid girl, so I said, “Goodbye, Grandpa. Goodbye, Grandma.”

My uncle didn’t look at my father or my stepmother, nor did I.

I only looked back after the car had driven a long way away. Despite the road behind being very dusty, I still stubbornly stared out for a long time. My uncle turned around, sighed, and patted my head. “Good girl.”

On the way, I hesitated for a long time before I carefully asked, “Uncle, can you not abandon me again?”

My uncle looked at me and tried to smile. The smile was very painful, the kind that will make those who see it cry. He said, “Don’t overthink it. From now on, you’ll be like my own daughter.”

Afterwards, he patted my head again, and my tears immediately started falling.

At that moment, I thought the best person in this world was my uncle.

That day, I fell asleep after crying a lot. By the time my uncle woke me up, we had already arrived. His home was a big and beautiful house. There were many similar houses nearby. The thought of being able to live in a house like this made my excitement hard to contain.

As my aunt opened the door, I remembered what she looked like. She smiled while looking at me. Even though it was not the brightest smile, it wasn’t cold either. She softly said in a calm manner, “You must be tired, dinner is almost ready.”

As a child, I was still able to make judgments. She didn’t hate me, which made me relieved.

Near the door, there was a small, brand-new pair of red slippers, which I carefully changed into. I neatly stacked my shoes on the shoe rack. My aunt held my hand as she led me into the living room. She then yelled towards upstairs, “Chengxi, your younger sister has arrived, why are you not down yet?”

“Coming, coming!” A boy’s unenthusiastic voice came from upstairs. Then a door opened, and a bleary-eyed boy, dressed in a pair of shorts and wrapped in a blanket, walked out.

Even though it was the evening, and he looked tired, he still stood out like a ray of light when he opened the door. He was the best-looking boy I had seen at the time. To please him, I quickly put on my sweetest smile and called out, “Older brother.”

The boy, who looked very similar to my aunt, scanned me from top to bottom and muttered, “Tu Bao Zi.” (In Chinese, Tu Bao Zi is a name given to people who are unfashionable/uncultured. It can also be used to describe someone from the countryside. The name literally means dirt bun)

The smile on my face instantly stiffened.

And that was my older brother, Liu Chengxi.  Behind his back, I called him ‘the worst maniac alive in the entirety of the universe.’