Treatment - Chapter 16

I’ve definitely become more thick-skinned.

Even among the fat old men dripping with oil from their Western meals, I no longer show any discomfort and respond appropriately. Instead of getting worked up over their disgusting faces, focusing on examining their business cards and connections is more beneficial. After all, I’ll soon be part of their world, too. If Kyunghoon Woo hadn’t been such a relentless bastard, he could’ve just taken his share of the fortune and lived idly. How did I end up here? The vile things I did in school, the people I crossed paths with—someday, they might come back to haunt me, but I’d already made those choices.

I was excluded from most of the schedule from the economic trade partnerships between Beijing and Chongqing, the meetings with buyers, and the networking dinners with participating businesspeople. I stayed at the hotel during official events restricted to business owners and remained silent at informal gatherings where I could attend as an assistant, barely understanding what was said. It was all a waste of time.

Even so, the old man diligently made my face known at every opportunity. He introduced me as the younger son, currently studying law, who’ll eventually inherit the family business. As I politely bowed my head, I wondered how much they knew about the rumors surrounding Kyunghoon and me.

“This one should grow up well; he’ll be useful anywhere.”

The old man introduced me confidently and laughed heartily. He was a businessman recognized for his role in the economic delegation, having earned some recognition from local companies. All those years spent crafting a polished facade had paid off. Maybe it was the sagging muscles from age, but the sharp savagery of his younger days was now somewhat concealed, appearing almost benevolent.

Could what Hyunseong said about him growing weaker be true? If he’s trying to keep me around because he sees some use in me, I’m all for it. But if he’s just showing affection that he never even gave to the children of his concubines, then he really must be going senile.

“Pick one more person from the lower rank to take over Hyunseong’s position. I’ll bring Hyunseong into the company and have him start preparing.”

He said this in the car as we returned after the second day’s events. He’d been active all day, but now his voice sounded tired. The scent of herbal medicine from the secretary filled the car. Without turning my gaze, I replied.

“He’ll enter at the same time I do. There’s no need to rush.”

“At your leisurely pace, I might drop dead before you get it done.”

That’s your problem, not mine. I chuckled. When I didn’t respond further, the old man sighed and continued.

“And don’t even mention studying abroad.”

“I have no intention of doing that.”

It wasn’t out of fear of the old man; it was the bleak thought of having to get Jaehee Lee used to it that made me give up on the idea. He wasn’t cut out for studying. Anyway, Hyunseong’s complaints about being summoned to the main house occasionally will probably stop now.

“What, feeling lonely after leaving him behind?”

The old man asked as he watched me tapping my phone. What’s he acting so knowledgeable about? I stared at the blank screen without responding.

‘Contact me.’

I don’t have photos of him or anything. We’d only just gotten comfortable enough to eat together; photos were out of the question. Any idea of having a normal relationship with Jaehee Lee was a long way off.

‘I’m telling you to contact me.’

There’s no way I’d contact him. I received hourly reports from Hyunseong, but Jaehee Lee’s presence was barely visible in those business-like messages. Even when I checked the screen in frustration, Jaehee knew well how to hide. The back of his head buried under the sofa or just under the windowsill annoyed me to no end. In the brief moments I stepped out of an evening event to check the screen, all I saw was his sharp back lying on the edge of the bed with the lights off. I’m paying for all those times I called him cheap. Jaehee Lee is very expensive.

Suddenly, the old man muttered.

“Even if we happen to resemble each other…”

A statement that could’ve been regret, self-deprecation, or maybe even satisfaction.

“…..”

It hit me then. This wasn’t a clumsy attempt at playing the stern father-in-law but possibly an exertion of influence. Unlike Kyunghoon, the old man had never embraced me and never would. Could this cunning man be trying to use Jaehee Lee to control me? When he said to pick two people to replace Hyunseong, he meant people already subjugated to a man. Why did I try to laugh it off?

“…Ah Ah.”

That’s right, even if we resemble each other…

What that man did with his own son made all the violence in the world seem so trivial. He raised me to be free from all taboos and to unleash the sinister nature embedded in my blood without restraint. I grew up under the man’s indulgence and neglect.

But Jaehee has nothing to do with that man, the people who passed through my life, the violence, the mixed lust, the dark pleasures, the bulging flesh, or the pools of blood.

Even though I am indeed the legacy of all that, Jaehee Lee is not; Jaehee is an innocent and unfortunate thing who stumbled upon me. He was violated before I met him, but when I stripped him down, he was pure and transparent, a weak creature that showed its bones without any resistance. Gentle and pitiful, he belonged only to me.

What I did with Jaehee Lee wasn’t an inheritance from that man but how Jaehee influenced me.

Therefore, that man has no right to meddle in Jaehee’s and my affairs.

I leaned forward, filled with overt disrespect toward the man.

“It won’t be difficult to fill the spot of the chairman’s eldest son.”

“…..?”

The old man, who’d been leaning back, looked at me.

“That’s why I sent him to the grave.”

The sudden murderous intent that twisted the old man’s face was probably feigned anger. He had let go of his precious firstborn the moment Kyunghoon succumbed to drugs.

“I can ensure I do a decent enough job wherever you put me….”

“…..”

With every threat that ran through my bloodline, I coldly bit down as if on a blade.

“So don’t bring him up again.”

I’ve always shown him respect, even after he gave up on being my father. It’s a subtle difference, but the old man understood immediately, glaring at me with icy sharpness before spitting out his words.

“You bastard.”

I hope this ends our father-son conversation.

The next morning, I was informed that our return date had been delayed by a few days. Although the official events had ended, the old man suggested we stay longer to monitor the local business situation.

Sensing the old man’s stubbornness to mold me into something useful, I swallowed my opposition. If he was trying to solidify our conversation last night, I had already laid down my strategy, and that was Jaehee Lee. I had to follow through.

For that day’s schedule, I wasn’t an outsider. I wasn’t just a decoration to complete the appearance; the old man took me along as if I were an internal assistant, refusing to let me be left out of the flow. Seeing him naturally exert that kind of pressure made me think that life would only get more challenging when we returned.

That evening, we had dinner with the executives of our business partners, accompanied by a translator. The Chinese dishes, almost like a work of art, were pleasing to the eye but didn’t suit my taste. The moment I realized it was because my diet had become milder from living with a herbivore, something sinister crept up my spine. That’s how I desired.

Without excusing myself, I stood up, phone in hand, and headed to the restroom.

‘…Have a safe trip.’

What’s so pretty about a guy who can only give me words like that?

I left a gift for Jaehee Lee.

A gift with thorns.

Later today, Jaehee will see his deadbeat mom. My original idea of setting up Hyunseong, the two resident bodyguards, the two I take with me, and the driver had turned out to be a funny trick.

‘You’re welcome to go on your own.’

Hyunseong would’ve told Jaehee Lee like that, as I ordered.

‘You can pretend like you’ve been doing so far. You worked at a local factory, got hired as a regular employee, and came to Seoul. Say it was a lucky series of events, and it turned out well. That way, you can straighten your shoulders and greet her confidently.’

‘He looked upset when I said that, but I didn’t know what else to say to cheer him up. I couldn’t joke about you being her future son-in-law, or he’d get too serious.’

As I listened to Hyungseong’s words, I could only think of Jaehee, who would be both happy and deeply uncomfortable.

Needless to say, Jaehee Lee is not good at lying. He’s been filled with guilt, thinking of his mother who was suffering while he was comfortably settled in my home. However, Jaehee doesn’t easily give up when he thinks of the beloved mother he hasn’t touched or spoken to on the phone since last winter. Moreover, it was the perfect opportunity for Jaehee, who would’ve been dismayed at the thought of a suspicious reunion with me, Hyunseong, and other attendants in tow.

‘The Young Master was being considerate. Now it’s time for you to start going out, and you can’t keep putting off seeing your mother. Take your cell phone with you. You know your location can be tracked, right? I’d like to take you to the bus stop, how about that?’

The last card I played was a shallow trick that mixed reality and possibility. Shallow and cunning, but the truth is hard to grasp. Jaehee Lee knew my harsh nature well. So, I don’t think he’ll actually try to run away after being given such a card. He doesn’t have the capability or courage for that, and his mother’s happiness is on the line.

But it will shake him.

The life of a male p*ostitute that can never be hidden, a mother who is growing distant, the accumulating lies, and the resulting guilt. A past that suddenly feels distant and unfamiliar, and me, who is tenaciously holding onto all the foreign things surrounding him.

Ultimately, I don’t know what Jaehee Lee really wants. What would he want to do if that old debt wasn’t involved? Would he want to stay by my side or leave? Does he still believe we should live separately? Jaehee is not certain about his future with me.

I didn’t want to get into a fight with a frightened Jaehee.

What I want is for him to finally accept me. Accept the long-standing disaster, the only reality, and the generous future where we can overcome any number of losses.

The unplanned and delayed return to Korea struck both me and Jaehee. Originally, I would’ve returned during the day today, and I’d planned to carefully scrutinize Jaehee’s face after he saw his mother. If Jaehee had been stuck in the store by the time I arrived, I’d even thought about fetching him myself since I don’t have much patience.

Walking through the hallway, I recalled bits of information from Hyunseong’s sporadic report this afternoon.

At 2 p.m., Jaehee Lee exited the car, parked near the bus stop, and boarded the arriving bus. He spent a long time deliberating in the dressing room, but in the end, he wore comfortable clothes that weren’t too formal and simply held his cell phone in his hand. He called his mother on the bus, smiled briefly with an expressionless face, and then looked out the window. He just stared blankly and curiously. I could vividly picture Jaehee Lee’s eyes, which were unfamiliar with the ordinary world.

Thirty minutes later, Jaehee Lee got off the bus, passed through the shopping street, which was mostly closed for the holiday, and headed to the familiar store. On the way, he stopped by a convenience store to withdraw some money. On the day I captured him in a provincial town, I immediately stripped Jaehee naked and locked him in bed for three days. But between sleeping, going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and going in and out of the bathroom, the cash card in Jaehee Lee’s outerwear pocket disappeared. The card that held all of Jaehee’s assets must’ve been well hidden somewhere in the house after that day. It was another reason to distrust Jaehee. 

After a while, Jaehee, who’d pushed open the store door that said ‘open’, finally encountered the mother he’d missed so much. And the door closed. 

Hyunseong and the bodyguards would be waiting around the main street and the alley, about ten meters away from the store, and neither they nor I could see Jaehee’s face as he cried, laughed, or whispered to his mother.

That was the freedom I’d granted. Since there’d been no further reports, Jaehee was probably still in the store.

‘…Have a safe trip.’

That was all Jaehee Lee said when sending me off. He doesn’t know that I, who only learned the sense of returning home after taking him in, had become a tenant in my own house, while he, unable to even pick out a single piece of clothing without trembling, had become the landlord. Nor does he know how unwelcome this trip, which has been extended by two days from the original two nights and three days, feels to me.

‘I’m telling you to contact me.’

After saying that, I habitually stopped teasing and didn’t contact him first. I’d already thrown the ball, displaying as much patience and magnanimity as I could, and now it was Jaehee’s turn to return it to me.

“…Idiot.”

Whether he knows it or not.

As I opened the bathroom door, my phone vibrated. When I looked down at it, it was a message from Hyunseong.

 

[Since you’re at dinner, I’m texting you. We’re on our way back now. Around 7:40 p.m., he seemed to finish eating. He opened the shop door, looked around for a while, then started walking towards us. We kept a safe distance, but the road was so empty that he noticed us. It was a bit awkward, so I quickly opened the door for him; I think he was a bit embarrassed as he just nodded. He asked if we could give him a ride home. He’s always a bit eccentric. I asked if he saw his parents well and had a good time, and he just said yes, yes, in a melancholy tone, and then went silent. He seemed a bit restless, so I’m sending you this photo, too. We’re entering the parking lot now.]

 

I looked at the photo for a long time with a smile. The lips were tightly shut, the face was gloomy, the gaze was restless… Jaehee Lee came back shaken. Jaehee Lee…..

“……..”

As soon as I entered the cubicle, I thought of that cold-hearted male, unzipped my pants, and looked down. Masturbating in the bathroom at this age is fucking pathetic but… I looked down at Jaehee Lee’s s*xy face. Reddish earlobes and nape of the neck. Pointy shoulders. And my mind went further to his white and thin waist. Pointed n*pples. Fleshless buttocks and thighs speckled with handprints. Skinny calves. His narrow hole that barely holds what’s mine each time… The Rapunzel I locked in the tower because I was afraid to let him out into the world.

“………!”

I hastily j*rked off, recalling the heated little tongue that hastily wrapped around me whenever I told him to suck. The steaming red pillar throbbed in my hand as I e*aculated at the lingering illusion of his hot mouth.

I was gone for three days without saying exactly when I would return. I even sent Jaehee Lee to his beloved mom without any pressure or conditions, but I’ve yet to hear from him. I need to see that very agitated face right now, so what on earth am I doing in a place like this?

I turned on my phone with my s*men-covered hand, thinking that when I got back, I would f*ck him until he was crying and his lower hole wouldn’t close. The cloudy liquid dripped down, slipping between my fingers, and soon, the familiar space appeared on the screen.

And in that familiar place was Jaehee Lee, whom I’d confined.

It seemed he’d just arrived, still wearing his coat, standing blankly in the spacious living room. After wandering around slowly, Jaehee paused in front of the plant I watered once every fortnight, then fetched some water from the kitchen and sprinkled it over the dry soil. He walked around again, looking out at the darkening view outside the window. A view far from ordinary, built with an extravagant amount of money.

My satisfaction usually came from reaching out and touching him, but I’d also developed a hobby of watching Jaehee Lee like this. I watched as he wandered quietly within the confines of his cage. Checking that Jaehee was living safely and comfortably within my reach, where he couldn’t escape anywhere.

I moved my fingers to follow Jaehee’s slow movements. He went upstairs, removed his coat, and sat on the bed. Then, standing again, he gazed down at the neon-lit river and bridge. Jaehee, uneasily loitering in that familiar space. What ridiculous thoughts could he be having now? I pressed down on his pale body with my s*men-stained thumb.

I cursed quietly at the blurry screen that was not as clear as what was imprinted in my mind. My heart was pounding annoyingly fast with uncontrollable impulses and frustration.

“…Fuck.”

It was a pointless act. When I return, I’ll make him deeply regret not contacting me. I already had him staying in the house. What else do I need to confirm? I will pour myself all over him, pin him down so that he has no choice but to focus on me. Imagining him sobbing in my arms, I kept moving my fingers.

At some point, Jaehee Lee, who’d been wandering around restlessly, suddenly stopped in his tracks,

“………!”

And looked up straight at the screen.

He must’ve known where the surveillance cameras were from the start, hence his efficient hiding—but it was the first time he looked directly at me like that.

“…Jaehee Lee.”

I swallowed the unconscious murmur that escaped my lips and kept still, holding my breath as I watched the screen. From the distant side of the screen, Jaehee Lee looked over at me, staring blankly as if…

As if he resented me as if asking why I was shaking him up when I knew there was nothing he could do.

“…Huu.”

My fingertips, fiddling with the screen, tightened as if they were about to burn. My breath came out heavily, clouding my vision, and the next moment, I barged out the door. I knew exactly what I needed to do.

On the way to the airport, after finishing a few calls about the luggage left at the hotel and the plane tickets, I brushed off the scolding from the old man who got wind of the news too late. I thought about contacting Hyunseong but dismissed the idea and drained several bottles of pocket whiskey against the backdrop of the deepening darkness. Was it too much to hope that I’d blink and find myself in front of the house? Fuck, why.

The journey back home was irritatingly slow and filled with curses.

I arrived just before dawn and glanced at the startled bodyguards who opened the door for me. As I walked to the bedroom door, the scent of Jaehee Lee lingered in the hallway and stairs. I lowered the blinds, shutting out the morning light and leaving the room dim and gray. In the bed, curled up and asleep, was Jaehee. My breathing grew deeper. I approached without hesitation and lifted the blanket.

“……..!”

Jaehee’s eyes, startled awake, widened in terror, and I barely managed to step back.

Jaehee was easily frightened. What kind of look was I giving him now? My gaze, unable to distinguish between violence and lust, pierced through Jaehee just as it was…

“Jaehee Lee.”

I called his name briefly as a greeting, then immediately bent down.

The bed shook as it took on my sudden weight, and I embraced Jaehee’s slender frame. The scent of flesh. I finally felt alive as I inhaled the mild scent of skin that’d lingered in my mind for days. I had become a fool. Falling into something like this, unable to think straight, whether I was alive or dead… I hurriedly devoured his lips and pulled up his pajamas. As I tore through his slender body, spreading his legs and pressing myself against his lower half, a faint moan escaped him. I ripped off my jacket and shirt, throwing them aside, and reached out again, only to feel Jaehee’s hands grasping my shoulders and neck. Not out of affection but merely to hold on to me, who’d become overly excited.

“Damn it, I’m really losing it.”

I ravaged his mouth, then lowered my head to lick down his neck. Heaving breaths escaped Jaehee as he exhaled above my head. His hands, gripping my shoulders, trembled helplessly. I paused as I pulled down the zipper of my pants, then tore off Jaehee’s pajama top along with his underwear. Even I thought my actions were chaotic. I felt like a child.

Jaehee, who normally would’ve begged me to slow down, could barely breathe as he fixed his trembling eyes on me. The fact that he didn’t look away, even though he was so frightened, was to see if I was angry or not. Excitedly, I run my hands down his pale back, stomach, and thighs, then nibble his shoulder. Then up his collarbone and nape of his neck, then his lips. Jaehee opened his mouth meekly. A hesitant tongue darted out, swiping frantically.

I blurted out during a momentary break from roughly entangling our tongues.

“You can tell I’m angry, right?”

“…….”

“I told you to stay in touch. Weren’t you even curious what I was doing at all?”

I bit Jaehee’s lip with three days’ worth of resentment. I swallowed the short moans that passed by like breaths and kissed him all over, and I felt like I was dying of thirst even though I was soaking wet. As I continued the kiss, I absentmindedly hugged his waist and grabbed his n*pples with my fingertips, and Jaehee, who knew the pain and pleasure it gave him, shrank back. I lowered my head and put the twitching n*pple in my mouth, and sucked it. I rolled it gently with my tongue and sucked it slowly, and eventually, I set my teeth greedily. This kind of behavior to awaken the other person’s senses was unfamiliar to me. It was unfamiliar, but it wasn’t that bad. This is Jaehee Lee’s body, which belongs to me.

“…Ah, umph…! S-Stop….”

Even Jaehee Lee, who is stingy with his voice, opened his mouth a little. The sound of his moans made me shudder as I stood up painfully hard and poked him in the stomach. Unable to resist, I spread his skinny thighs and poked him with my already dripping g*nitals. The sound of breathing overhead intensified. I probed the dry hole with my fingers, using moisture from my wet shaft before I hastily entered.

“Hnng…!”

Holding Jaehee Lee’s trembling back, I stiffened for a moment. When I lowered my gaze, I saw the cramped space filled with my c*ck. The trembling of that place, struggling to contract and relax as it tried to accept me, was tender yet chaotic. The sensation of the penetration, the realization that this beautiful thing was now mine, that I had completely made it my own, was something only I could possess.

“…I missed you, Jaehee Lee.”

I grabbed his wandering hand and kissed its back. Jaehee, barely managing to hold onto me with his tortured breaths, looked at me with pleading eyes.

“…Ah, ugh…”

He wanted to say it hurt but feared that admitting it would lead to something worse, so he stayed silent. That was just part of Jaehee’s nature and the karma of all the terrible things I’d done.

“I said I missed you.”

I kissed his tear-soaked eyes lightly. Then, slipping out of the tight hole, I thrust back in like driving a wedge.

“Ah!”

“What about you?”

I asked as I held his legs firmly and moved my hips. Jaehee, lying frail and pale on the white sheets with my handprints all over his body, swallowed his moans. With nowhere to escape, I pressed him down into the sheets, causing his fingers to cling to the fabric and turn red. My d*ck tore through his tender flesh, leaving brutal marks as our eyes occasionally met through his shaking view. Jaehee bit his lip or licked his tongue as he scrunched up his nose, shedding tears with each flash of pain or pleasure. It was insanely e*otic.

‘What about you—, …how was it, Jaehee Lee?’

As the pleasure shattered my vision into white, the question lost its direction, and I only remembered it again as I swelled inside him after my hasty c*imax.

“Were you curious at all?”

I asked while pulling his trembling body into my arms and leaning against the headboard. Jaehee, who’d been awkwardly holding onto my neck, parted his lips. His flushed face was soaked with sweat and tears. As I licked and bit at various parts of his face, a small answer finally came back.

“…I was curious.”

At the sound of his barely audible words, my p*nis swelled as if it would tear through the tight hole. His frightened sobs grew louder.

“W-When you’d be coming….”

“…Huu…”

I held him tightly by the waist and took one of his n*pples into my mouth. As I slid my hand between his waist and hips, driving deeper into his slender body, the sound of wet, sloshing friction echoed around us.

Jaehee, clinging to my neck, moaned and melted, unsure if it was from ecstasy or pain. I slid my hand between his thighs and grasped his hardened member. By now, it didn’t require direct stimulation; his body would instinctively harden if I touched him and filled him this way.

The first time he ended up like this, Jaehee had cried. He must have recalled the violent and humiliating beginning. Instead of retracing that start, I covered his dry, worn-out body with countless kisses, creating new memories. As long as he didn’t try to escape me, I had no intention of hurting Jaehee anymore. If he didn’t realize that, after all he’d done to me, there was no way out, then he truly wasn’t a person but a fool.

“Ah, …hnng…!”

In moments like these, with me inside him, Jaehee didn’t act like a stone at all. I bared my teeth once again at the end of his red-stained shoulder.

“I told you to keep in touch, you asshole.”

You’re not getting out of here today.

When I whispered sincerely, Jaehee, who’d been struggling to move under the pressure of my grasp, looked at me with resentful eyes. Finding his expression somewhat endearing, I curled my fingers around the tip of his c*ck, twisting it.

“Ah!”

The hole clenching around me trembled and tightened. Jaehee, his flushed cheeks damp with tears, barely managed to respond.

“…I-I did.”

His voice, short and breathy as he swallowed his moans, was low and hoarse.

“What?”

I unconsciously tightened my grip around his d*ck at the unexpected words. His desperate cries momentarily distracted me.

“E-Earlier… when I woke up… at dawn….”

A twisted laugh slipped out.

“…Did Hyunseong Kim tell you to do it?”

My suspicious and relentless nature was probably something I was born with.

“You only felt like doing that on the day I was supposed to return?”

I pounded him fiercely against the headboard, making a loud thud as his back collided with it. Jaehee’s thin arms reached out desperately to wrap around my neck.

“But… I did it.”

So, Kim Hyun-seong did tell him to do it, after all.

At that moment, Jaehee’s reddened lips brushed against my neck. Whether it was intentional or not, it was so hot it drove me mad. If Jaehee Lee ever decided to s*duce me on purpose, I’d be utterly powerless.

I thrust into him roughly again and then let my body collapse onto his. As I spread his legs wide, he looked up at me with a gaze filled with helplessness, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to breathe soon.

“You’ve grown so much, Jaehee.”

Looking at me with those eyes.

And even saying it’s something you did on your own.

I looked down at his n*ked body as if I would devour every inch of it, then suddenly pulled out and bent down to take him into my mouth. I no longer hesitated to suck another guy’s c*ck. Unaccustomed to the sensation, Jaehee quickly reached his c*imax.

“Hnn, d-don’t… ah!”

I swallowed it when he weakly finished, and before the afterglow even faded, I lifted my torso and immediately entered him again. Jaehee’s body, as if impaled on a spear, stiffened and then convulsed violently. As I pounded him hard, with his arms barely able to support themselves over my shoulders, he whimpered beneath me, no longer able to even bite his lips. I raced towards the euphoria that turned my vision from white to a riot of colors.

I kept my word precisely.

That day, the sun set without Jaehee ever leaving the bed.

The holiday passed peacefully.

The old man, exasperated by his son’s absurdly doting behavior, didn’t summon me on the actual day of the festival, which turned out to be a very convenient gift.

I stayed close by, tending to Jaehee Lee, who was carefully recuperating from the torment I’d put him through. It was fascinating to think that there was still room to get closer after six months of practically living together from spring to fall. But then again, considering how he always kept his distance and acted aloof around me, we still had a long way to go. I wonder if I’d faint from shock the day Jaehee Lee initiates physical contact on his own.

Jaehee seemed to be sulking again. It wasn’t the first time I’d so thoroughly worn him out that he couldn’t stand up the next day, yet he looked at me like I was a complete bastard as I bathed him, brushed his teeth, and fed him. I wasn’t deterred and continued caring for him while explaining why I was absent from home.

“The old man set up a company with his dirty money. I went abroad to help him because I plan to take it over later.”

“……..”

Despite having suffered from domestic violence all his life, the sensible and good-natured Jaehee Lee seemed a bit surprised. 

“Father?” 

I handed him a cup of tea without a word as he muttered under his breath. I had kept an eye on the old teacher a couple of times, worried he might harbor impure intentions toward Jaehee Lee, but it wasn’t arrogance to say that the tea I brewed tasted far better than Jaehee’s. I wondered how he managed to handle kitchen work with those hands.

“And the store?”

I feigned nonchalance as I watched him quietly accept what I’d prepared. Jaehee nodded.

“…I visited my mom.”

Then he looked at me silently. It was rare for Jaehee Lee to look at me first. I met his gaze, silently reading his thoughts. His feelings must be complicated. That was my intention.

After simply coming home, facing him, and having s*x, I could let it slide. I’d take my time to wonder about and coax out his true feelings later. For now, he just needed to understand that he was trapped with no way out. With his beloved mother’s happiness as collateral, the only path ahead was the one that led to me. That was the reality.

As if trying to settle his complicated feelings, Jaehee lowered his head and quietly drank his tea for a while before looking at me again. His expression showed a hint of hesitation, but it wasn’t hard to read. Gratitude. He should understand that it was my generosity, but on the other hand, he might be wondering if it’s really necessary to say thank you for something as natural as a child visiting their parent. I decided to help him with that.

“You should say thank you.”

That way, you’ll get more rewards.

“…Thank you.”

His voice was small as if worried his beloved mother might hear. What a funny guy. The lingering warmth of our bodies pressed together for a full day made me generously overlook it. Suddenly, I remembered what Hyunseong had told me the previous evening.

‘Actually, I felt bad that Mr. Jaehee visited empty-handed, so I hurriedly called the head office and sent over some holiday gifts. He thanked me this morning and said his mother was happy to hear he was working at a good place. I’m sure he was a little embarrassed and anxious because of his personality, but even so, quite a few times… he said he was amazed because he felt like he’d become a dutiful son.’

‘Why did he thank you?’

It was thanks that Hyunseong deserved. It wasn’t something I’d even thought about.

In my eyes, before being the person who gave birth to Jaehee, the woman was the one who’d left him lonely for many years. I didn’t see any reason to be particularly lenient, but my feelings kept shifting because of Jaehee’s weakness regarding his mother.

‘Record your conversations with him when you talk alone. He’s getting too arrogant, I see.’

As I made the odd suggestion, Hyunseong, who was adjusting the room temperature and about to start on the route home, nodded bitterly.

‘Well, I did have a feeling things might end up like this four years ago… but I didn’t expect it to get this intense.’

Intense? That doesn’t only apply to him. Jaehee Lee, who acts so expensive despite being so small and fragile, is just as heavy a burden on me too.

‘What about four years ago?’

Hyunseong looked back at me and smirked.

‘You thought he was so pretty you were going to die, so you tormented him relentlessly.’

‘………’

I tormented him because he was pretty, and he seduced me, not despite. 

If Jaehee Lee had ever found out that Hyunseong had seen that as a courtship process, he wouldn’t even want to greet this guy. That was useful information. Living with Jaehee, I’d developed a taste for sowing discord.

I turned my attention back to Jaehee as I finished reminiscing. 

“I’ve arranged your readmission. You’ll return to school next spring.”

“…..What?”

I shared the long-held thought of having Jaehee Lee graduate and then getting him a job at a ‘good place’ determined by me. Jaehee, who had been drinking tea, widened his eyes, and the slender nape of his neck began to slowly tremble beneath his pajamas.

“Finish your studies and then earn some money.”

His eyes lingered on me longer than usual, trying to confirm my sincerity. How could I not know that these were the words he’d been waiting so long to hear?

“R-Really…?”

“Yeah.”

I responded briefly, lowering the teacup from his hand and pulling him close. As I held him in my arms and touched him here and there, he silently settled against me, suppressing his discomfort. Being close to or enduring being close to me still required effort for Jaehee. As he looked at me with confused eyes while I licked his neck, Jaehee parted his lips again.

“Thank you, really….”

“You should be grateful.”

“I…”

I didn’t care to hear the rest. It was probably going to be something pitiful again. Though quietly watching him and taking it slow wasn’t bad, I still wanted s*x. Ignoring his pathetic words, I simply kissed his lips. Whether Jaehee kept whining or not, I would keep doing what I wanted. And I planned to somehow have s*x at least once more

“Don’t say anything foolish, and show some affection for me.”

“………”

“Oh, and when you go back to school, I’ll repeat what you said to me a thousand times over.”

The only message Jaehee ever sent me was a simple ‘When are you coming back?’ Simple as it was, that message finally made me decide to let Jaehee go to school. Whether Hyunseong had suggested it or not, I realized that I’d left a mark on this stone-hearted male, that these two seasons hadn’t been in vain.

I hugged him close and laid us both down on the cushion. If I continued to bother him, I’d end up making a scene in broad daylight and probably earn his resentment again, so I decided to just listen to him talk until he fell asleep.

“Tell me something.”

I said, playing with his reddened lips. Jaehee, who’d been leaning against me with a frustrated expression, turned his head away as if ignoring me. But even then, he only burrowed further into my arms, making me feel ticklish.

‘You thought he was so pretty you were going to die, so you tormented him relentlessly.’

Recalling Hyunseong’s words that had struck me so clearly, I spoke indifferently.

“If you have nothing to say, just call my name.”

That way, you’ll get attached.

At my added words, Jaehee Lee’s face quickly showed fear. It was time to start training him properly.

“Call my name.”

I commanded coldly. Getting attached to me and growing affectionate with me—could there be anything more terrifying for you?

“Hurry.”

Could there be anything sweeter for me?

“……Shinhyeok Woo.”

Jaehee softly and quietly called my name, then pressed his lips together. His profile looked sorrowful, painfully so.

How could I not know that this was an act of reopening the wounds you tried to keep sealed? But even if it makes you sad, afraid, or miserable, Jaehee, you need to imprint yourself with me. I won’t let you live in any other way.

“Well done.”

I grasped his chin, which was about to turn away, and pulled him closer to me.

As our noses nearly touched, Jaehee, who seemed overwhelmed by my courtship, quietly closed his eyes.

 

****

 

“I never paid much attention to the changing seasons in my life. When the environment or circumstances changed, adapting was just a bit of a hassle, but it didn’t evoke any particular feelings.

Living with Jaehee Lee, I became sensitive to the cycle of seasons for the first time.

It’s the first time I’ve looked back on past seasons with fresh eyes or wondered what someone else might feel as a new season approaches. It’s also the first time I could guess Jaehee’s feelings just by his expression when he looks out the window in the morning.

Jaehee began to sink back into the mire as the weather grew colder. I pushed Jaehee into the harshest disaster from late autumn to winter last year.

Jaehee often had nightmares, and when he woke up pale and terrified, he would avoid my gaze for a while. Despite that, he would frequently fall asleep again. It was maddening how someone already so quiet would become even more silent, and a few struggles over meals led to nervous gastritis, forcing him to return to the hospital after a period of avoidance since the summer. I despised the time spent waiting for Jaehee during his medical appointments because it was undeniable that I was the one who’d made him sick.

The signs had been there for a long time. By October, as my studies became busier and I was responding to calls from the old man who was giving me a hard time, Jaehee was already thinking about last year. That early morning when I’d coincidentally encountered one of the bodyguards who’d regularly reported on my whereabouts to Kyunghoon, and I’d been beating him up in the street. The fact that I brutally pursued a romance with someone on the verge of death through ridiculous violence and schemes. What had I done to Jaehee, who’d been broken by poverty and violence?

Jaehee began to avoid my touch.

One night, I forcibly woke him from yet another severe nightmare, and his hand, startled, scratched my chin as he pushed me away. Jaehee was more frightened by what he had done, trembling and eventually crying. This happened repeatedly over several days.

Jaehee didn’t suffer from a trauma that made him tremble at every touch. Although he was startled whenever I reached out to him suddenly, that was more of a reflex due to the abruptness of my touch, and soon after, he would softly lean into me. His heart would pound so hard that it seemed unbearable, yet he was always docile. I’d never thought much about its meaning because it was satisfying to me.

But when Jaehee started to recoil from my touch in a new way, I didn’t know whether to be pleased or angry.

Then it hit me.

The reason Jaehee hadn’t trembled at my touch before wasn’t because he’d forgotten about the previous violence but because that violence had become internalized. It wasn’t that he was less afraid, but that he’d given up on trying to minimize the pain from the start, accepting it as a normal part of life rather than fearing it might happen.

That’s why he quickly became docile when I approached him roughly and looked so sorrowful when I tried to be gentle. Nothing could feel familiar to him.

On a cold rainy day when fierce winds tore through the city, Jaehee Lee didn’t want to get out of bed. I told him just to do what he wanted for now.

I finally accepted that I couldn’t erase those memories no matter how kind I became. Last winter, I’d punched Jaehee, burned him with a cigarette, stripped him naked, and left him on the streets. And then I bought Jaehee, someone who’d fiercely resisted having a price put on the violence done to him.

It was an early winter with frequent rain. Hyunseong reported the weather to me daily with a serious face, which was an important issue for everyone in the house.

On the way to attend a dinner where all the executives from our affiliate companies would be present, I watched the scattered rain beyond the car window. As I lightly clicked my tongue, the rain became more violent with the wind, and without needing to think further, I gestured to Hyunseong, and he immediately turned the car around.

When Jaehee is feeling down, it makes me irritable as well. I’d instructed the house staff to adjust the indoor lighting so it wasn’t too dark and to pay close attention to his condition, but it probably wouldn’t make a difference. Jaehee would likely close the blinds and shut himself away in a dark bedroom again.

The scene inside the house was as I expected. A bright and warm living room, completely detached from the bleak storm outside. But Jaehee wasn’t in that cozy space.

Feeling a tension close to fatigue, I quietly opened the bedroom door.

“………”

I expected to see him lying on the bed, but the space beyond was empty. A quick scan of the room revealed him curled up by the window, looking outside. With a light sigh, I moved toward him.

When Jaehee turned at the sound of my approach, he looked slightly dazed, as if he’d just woken from an exhausting sleep. I clicked my tongue lightly as I noticed his blotchy face. He’d probably woken up crying again. Jaehee, who seemed puzzled as I sat beside him, slowly opened his mouth.

“…You’re back early.”

And then he glanced sideways at me, taking in my neat appearance, complete with a tied tie.

Was Jaehee glad to see me home early, despite saying I’d be late? Or did he find it awkward?

To Jaehee, am I an extension of the nightmare from his past, or am I the softened darkness that proves many things have changed since then?

“I’m back.”

“Okay.”

Jaehee said nothing about the darkness that settled over us as the seasons changed. I didn’t bring it up either. There was too much I could guess, and I knew I was at the root of all that darkness.

“The appointment was canceled.”

Jaehee didn’t seem to realize that everyone, including myself, was sensitive to his condition. He was deeply immersed in himself, oblivious to my attempts at clumsy kindness that would probably never reach him.

“Did you take a nap?”

I draped the coat I was holding over Jaehee’s shoulders and pulled him into my lap. His body, weakened, offered little resistance, and his breaths were faint. His mumbled, scattered reply was barely audible.

Even though he’d eaten well, his waist was still too thin as I held it and inhaled his scent. Somewhere in my chest, a dull ache spread. When I first brought him to stay with me two seasons ago, I only thought it would be enough if he stayed by my side, miserable but safe. But now, I’m dissatisfied with everything—his pain, his misery, his pushing me away, even his indifference toward me. How can I burrow deeper into this fragile person and expand my presence within him? How can I fill him entirely with me so that no nightmare or wound can find space within him?

What resolve had you mustered to sit alone in a dark room, avoiding the rainy landscape outside?

I find myself feeling a near-contemptuous jealousy even toward the distant past that still digs at Jaehee.

“What are you looking at?”

I asked indifferently as I made his tense body lean against me. Jaehee, still tense, answered weakly.

“Just… watching the rain.”

And then he said nothing more. We quietly shared Jaehee’s exhausted silence.

His profile, watching the rain pouring down from the distant sky, was unspeakably sorrowful.

There was a deep, unmoved sadness there. Something that could never be fully soothed and couldn’t be spoken aloud. Yet, there was also a determination to face it, not turn away. I could clearly see now what it was. It was the burden I had to carry with Jaehee—my own inescapable curse.

Even after we settled down together and passed through spring, summer, and the fall when we reunited, Jaehee remained in the winter where he’d first begun to avoid my gaze. While I grew larger and fiercer as the seasons changed, tearing through them, Jaehee quietly turned his eyes away, never once yearning for me, resigning himself before anything could even begin—a dutiful, impoverished youth who, despite having feelings for me, never once desired me. The dark winter of last year, where I’d stripped him bare and driven him to the most desperate place, had ultimately bound Jaehee’s feet in the frozen cold.

And I, too, remained in that season. The campus with its remnants of snow, those slow, deliberate footsteps that caught my eye, the man who walked silently along the path beside the basketball court. I never let go of the gaze that had briefly locked with mine in that moment. The fateful coincidence that brought Jaehee back to me was a certainty that’d always been meant for me.

Here, the seasons don’t flow into spring.

Jaehee has no intention of facing spring, and I am unworthy of it.

So I will live in winter, no matter which season comes around.

I will stay here with Jaehee, not turning away from the dark scars. If my poor Rapunzel wants to live in his gloomy tower, dancing to his tune wouldn’t be so bad.

Jaehee Lee watched the rain, and I watched him.

As I gazed at the side of his face, watching the world soak in, my heart suddenly raced unbearably. I couldn’t resist; I grabbed his neck and kissed him. His tongue, wet with tears, tasted sweet as it melted into mine. The pounding of his heartbeat, the nape of his neck bending towards me, and the fingers resting on my shoulder.

“……..”

The moment I saw myself reflected in the eyes of Jaehee, who couldn’t tear his anxious gaze away, I felt damp at my toes.