Treatment - Chapter 18

The evening’s atmosphere depended entirely on Shinhyeok Woo’s mood.

Unlike me, who was pathetically idle, Shinhyeok Woo was a busy person, whether the school term was in session or not. When he returned home after a busy day, I tried to leave him alone as much as possible. It felt shameless to engage in idle chatter with someone who was already so tired, and honestly, I had no real reason to bother Shinhyeok.

Yet, we always lived our lives intertwined.

Sometimes, as soon as I met his gaze, our bodies would be violently entangled together until dawn. If I were lucky, we’d have a peaceful night where we washed up, ate, had tea, and fell asleep side by side. Sometimes, when we returned from an outing, we fought. He would say it was because I was naive, but I had my reasons for being stubborn over certain things. Even so, I would just swallow my words because I knew I wouldn’t win.

From the beginning, I had no way to resist his blatant insistence on keeping me close. Even when he was studying or on a call, Shinhyeok Woo wanted me at the edge of his line of sight. Living so close to a man who wielded power and oppression as easy as breathing was still an environment I found it difficult to let my guard down in.

I developed the habit of taking a nap before evening.

Many consecutive days with Shinhyeok often drained me, even without getting scolded or fighting. After spending four seasons like this, it became natural to wait for his return when the sun set, hoping that there wouldn’t be any arguments that night and praying I wouldn’t grow too accustomed to this luxurious life.

Not too long ago, there was a crack, a deviation from our usual routine. 

After an especially difficult night, Shinhyeok spent an entire week coming home late, staying out overnight, and spending his evenings ‘differently’.

Spending time apart from him was unfamiliar, even when we were in the same space. Never having any choice, I’d always depended on Shinhyeok. On one of the days, Shinhyeok came home early for the first time in a while and shut himself in his study without eating. I couldn’t even remember how I spent that evening.

…Maybe he didn’t want to face me.

I’d slowly retraced my memories with a sullen and perplexed feeling. Admittedly, it wasn’t a direct continuation of the night before. But there was another short deviation the next day.

I spent the day dazedly, as always, after being tormented terribly.

Half-awake and half-asleep, I suffered from a mild fever and pain, dodging the hands that reached out for me several times. It wasn’t pleasant for me to be groaning like someone dying after only a night of s*x, but at least I wasn’t lying on the street. At least Shinhyeok didn’t do it in front of others. He also wasn’t treating me harshly like an animal and didn’t use language I didn’t like. Consoling myself with such thoughts was also pathetic and shameful.

I kept escaping into sleep, knowing it was safer to avoid eye contact on days like this.

Maybe, while I was escaping like that, I had that look again. And judging by the distorted look occasionally crossing his face, that was probably the case.

Before this season, when I’d been thoroughly messed up and was too exhausted even to cry, sometimes I would stare blankly at Shinhyeok Woo. 

Let me go. 

I’ll leave now. 

You can let me go. 

I couldn’t hide the pleas that eventually leaked through my sobs. I didn’t know if it was resignation or hope. I only knew that it was a solidified truth every time Shinhyeok Woo showed anger toward my perceived indifference. I thought maybe the fact that this lifestyle wouldn’t last forever could be a comfort even to him.

But the results when I uttered those phrases were never good.

When Shinhyeok Woo realized what I was saying, he turned menacing like a storm, and his growing anger poured entirely onto me. 

I’m a male p*ostitute. I’m a s*ut. Hold me. Give it to me here. Don’t throw me away… Don’t abandon me. 

Only after forcing me to spew out all sorts of phrases like that would Shinkyeok release me. Knowing full well that I would face harsh consequences the next day, and the next day, and the day after that, I still couldn’t stop the pleas that incited his anger. Because I had to protect myself. Because I thought I must not forget where this treacherous life could end.

We’d passed through four seasons like that.

The season of being caged in a torrential downpour will soon return. And Shinhyeok, still, perhaps for a long while, has no intention of letting me go.

Locking me up so I couldn’t move, ravaging my body as he pleases. Tying my hands so I couldn’t pay him back and giving me everything he wants. It was more cruel than putting a price on my worthless body. When did insults like ‘bastard’ or ‘w*ore’ stop being offensive? Do you remember that ancient darkness? We had split off from that darkness… It doesn’t seem right, no matter how I think about it.

And as Shinhyeok’s hands touched me here and there and spoke many words, he asked. 

‘Are you really that upset you can’t run away?’

‘……..’

It’s not that I’m upset… Why do you always act so unreasonably? I had no energy to reply, so I just fell asleep.

Would it have been better to say something then? Instead of waiting for your one-sided verdict to be handed to me, is this when I should be the one to soothe you?

The sudden confusion stemmed from the illusion that I had a card to play in this game.

“I think what I’m about to say will make it even more obvious that I’m on the Young Master’s payroll, but…”

When Mr. Hyunseong Kim, who’d stopped by momentarily, spoke to me, I was a bit out of it.

I hadn’t even noticed Shinhyeok Woo leaving the house this morning. If it hadn’t been a full night of tormenting me, Shinhyeok would usually wake me up, even on days when he left the house very early. It was my job to send him off and welcome him back, and as I persevered through this task, which was neither humiliating nor sweet, I managed to get used to living with him.

“The Young Master usually grumbles about you being stubborn when you can’t even win a fight, but lately, he’s lost his spirit.”

His tone was, as always, neat and calm, but I smiled slightly. No matter what anyone said, this man was one of Shinhyeok’s people. Even if it killed me, I couldn’t express my feelings to him. 

“Just the thought of sending you back to school must have been an enormous decision for him. After meeting Mr. Jaehee, it seems like he’s expended all the generosity he’s ever had.”

Generosity? It was something I could neither affirm nor deny now. But then Mr. Hyunseong Kim hit the nail on the head.

“You’d rather not have the Young Master spend a lot of money on surveillance, right?”

“…..”

“There are people like that in the world. People who see spending money to control others as no different from picking out something in a store. We have to just let it go. We cannot say otherwise if he wants to spend his excess money. Besides, you’ll both find peace of mind. Both of you.”

It sounded like a distant story. I knew well enough that Shinhyeok Woo came from a rich family, one so wealthy it was hard to fathom, but it distressed me whenever he tried to spend a lot of money on me. I knew that interfering would only backfire. But this time, I felt there was truly no need for it. I had braced myself for severe scolding, but I hadn’t expected this kind of response. I knew it wasn’t the whole reason, but… I sighed, feeling stifled. 

Mr. Hyunseong Kim chuckled softly. Then, as if he hadn’t been laughing, he composed his face and spoke seriously.

“I’m sorry to say this to you, Mr. Jaehee, but I think the Young Master’s suspicions of you are justified.”

My heart sank at the unexpected words.

“And I think your distrust of the Young Master is also justified.”

“…..”

When I thought Shinhyeok Woo wouldn’t come looking for me, when I thought he’d forget me before the season changed, it was this man who’d found me. He was also the one who understood better than anyone why I had to leave Shinhyeok.

Leaving aside the luxury of assessing happiness or unhappiness, I felt I simply couldn’t live by Shinhyeok’s side. I felt it was right to say goodbye to the season of that boy who’d placed a value on me and rescued my mother from poverty. To live far away, tethered only by that winter light.

Standing in front of this man, calmly counting the seasons, I felt a familiar sensation of my feet getting wet again.

“However.”

Mr. Hyunseong Kim caught my gaze once more and continued.

“I think you two make a picture-perfect pair.”

“……”

So, please give in one more time, Mr. Jaehee.

I lowered my head, looking distantly at the man whose smiling, composed face silently communicated those words. Picture-perfect… What nonsense. To accept and also affirm the discord between Shinhyeok Woo and me so calmly, he really is a strange person.

“…You really are on the Young Master’s side.”

At my grumpy response, Mr. Hyunseong Kim laughed again.

Is it even possible for us to strive to earn each other’s trust? Just breathing the same air in the same space is already overwhelming for both of us. It must be tiring for him to live with me, too.

I thought of Shinhyeok Woo, spending his day somewhere I didn’t know.

And I decided to wait for the evening.

“Who are you calling ‘young master’?”

“…..”

The moment our eyes met, I knew something had ruined his mood again.

His gaze was always naturally downward since his distinct build was much taller than mine, which was a little above medium height.

“Am I your young master?”

Even without acting intimidating, his inherently cold demeanor exuded a raw energy, and my tongue stiffened. It was foolish of me to think I could placate someone like him in this way or that. Shinhyeok Woo had no qualms about eavesdropping or demanding reports similar to wiretapping.

I swallowed and exhaled.

I won’t run away. It no longer had anything to do with my mother, the debt, or the surveillance… I still couldn’t run away. It might sound like wordplay to Shinhyeok, who distrusts me to my core, but I trusted myself even less than I trusted this wild and unstable man.

“…You’re not my young master.”

I replied softly and looked up. I’d just opened the front door to greet him, and Shinhyeok Woo, who’d stepped out of the elevator, was standing there, seemingly trying to block my path.

As long as I stood there, I would continue to endure Shinhyeok’s gentle violence and insistent whining. Just as he painstakingly endured my desire to know nothing.

“I only said it to respond to Mr. Hyunseong Kim’s words. Don’t be unreasonable.”

Without a reply, Shinhyeok stared coldly at me. Meeting his menacing eyes, I managed to add a few more words.

“…I can also listen and take people’s advice.”

It was not something I could say calmly. But sometimes, a bit of audacity is necessary to converse with this difficult person.

Shinhyeok Woo sneered as if mocking me.

“Listen and take people’s advice? You think you’re in a position to talk about that?”

Why did his words, laced with thorns, sound somewhat subdued?

“Someone like you acts this stupidly? Seriously, you make me want to scrap this whole school thing and…!”

I hesitantly reached out and touched Shinhyeok’s hand. Not to stop him from being forceful, but just to hold it quietly. Then I pulled it inward. I’ve never said anything as affectionate as ‘welcome home’ to him before.

“…Okay.”

“…..”

“I’ll do as you say…. And also…”

Gathering my resolve, I continued.

“Let’s go… visit my old boss together.”

Since we’re together now.

“I want to go say hello.”

It was the answer to a somewhat less difficult problem. A person who already knew about this relationship and someone I wanted to catch up with. I just hoped this ferocious boy wouldn’t act mean in front of him.

When I pulled Shinhyeok’s hand again, his firm fingers gently wrapped around mine, and he let me lead him. I turned around, holding his hand. But before we’d even taken a few steps, a strong grip pulled me back, and in an instant, I was trapped in Shinhyeok’s arms.

“What’s this about?”

“…..”

“Why are you suddenly acting so pretty?”

I was at a loss for words, embarrassed by his words. Shinhyeok Woo’s face had softened with surprising speed. I felt out of place, as if I was suddenly in over my head with something I couldn’t handle. With my confused mind, I recalled the one thing I’d initially meant to say.

“…Let’s eat.”

“What?”

“Let’s have dinner.”

“…..”

No more affectionate words came to mind, and my face just turned red.

Even I found my own words ridiculous. I wanted to say how awkward it was to eat dinner alone, leaving the house owner cooped up in his room. The opposite situation would be better. Isn’t it much more worthwhile for you, who’s busy with your life, to sit at the table than for me, who just stays home and does nothing? So stop being stubborn. Just eat…. But then, I think he might get even angrier if I said that outright.

As I gauged his gaze, which looked down at me as if in disbelief, I opened my mouth again.

“Dinner…”

Before I could finish, our tongues were clashed together.

My back hit the wall, and before I could resist, my body was pressed against his. Beyond the rough breath, his hand seemed to move impatiently to undress me. The thought that he was flustered struck me as odd. Wrapping my hands around his cold coat, I hugged his back.

I won’t run away, Shinhyeok. Of course, I’ll leave whenever your feelings wane. I won’t cling on pathetically. I won’t make any clumsy attempts before then because I trust myself even less than I trust you. Now that I’m completely soaked in this rain… I can’t even gauge its weight or how far I’ve strayed from the normal path.

As he ground against me with excitement, pressing me down, a moan escaped my lips. I turned my head to find some air, and Shinhyeok, interpreting it as resistance, urged me with a low, hoarse voice.

“…I’m going crazy, so open your mouth.”

Dark, piercing eyes. Eyes that didn’t let me go for even a moment bore into me.

The illusion of already being penetrated made my legs go weak.

When I closed my eyes, overwhelmed by the dizzy feeling, a low hum of desire flowed from somewhere inside my body.

****

“Hyung…”

The voice that left my lips felt unfamiliar. My former boss, who’d been preparing for business, looked up at the sound of the door opening earlier than expected and froze in place. How must I look in his eyes? For a brief moment, I became aware of an outsider’s gaze. My disheveled appearance was embarrassingly inadequate.

“Jae… Jaehee!”

But seeing my boss’s eyes widen as he rushed out, that sentiment quickly faded. My boss, who looked at me in shock, unable to speak, reached out a hand. A lump formed in my throat instantly.

“Jaehee…! Hey, you’re not dead?! Huh? You…! How could you not contact me at all…!?”

The sound of his sobs echoed painfully in my ears as he pulled me into a hug. He was such a kind, affectionate person. I was about to raise my hand to embrace him too, when my boss’s hand, which had been patting my back, abruptly stopped.

“What, what is this…?”

“……”

I felt a sudden pang of guilt. When I turned around, I saw Shinhyeok Woo leaning against the shop entrance at an angle. Even though I couldn’t read his expression perfectly, it was clear from his cold gaze that his face was asking, ‘What the hell is this?’ 

My heart sank.

Shinhyeok had been in a bad mood ever since before we came. It was because of the words I couldn’t help but say out of premature concern.

‘…In case you feel like throwing a tantrum.’

Looking down at his hands buttoning my shirt, I finally spoke.

‘What?’

Shinhyeok Woo was dressed in a perfectly grown-up outfit: a suit with a tie neatly fastened and a long coat. Though he’d chosen everything from his underwear to his coat, he had me do all the tidying and tying. He knew that me using my clumsy hands would only waste time, but he did it purposefully. Wanting time to talk quietly with my boss before opening, I’d told Shinhyeok, ‘Let’s go’ several times, and watching the clock tick past lunchtime, I grew anxious.

‘…Do it when we’re back. When we’re alone.’

‘Ha.’

His eyes immediately turned sharp.

‘When we’re alone.’

Why does he get angry every time, even while acknowledging that my distrust is justified?

‘Hearing shit like that only makes it sound fucking e*otic.’

I watched, dumbfounded, as my expensive shirt was stripped off roughly by his hands, buttons ripped away.

A short while later, my shirt, now stained with s*men, was thrown into the trash. Finally, we were able to leave the house. It wasn’t news to me, but his personality was really terrible. 

But since he already threw such a tantrum, at least here…

…Please don’t get angry. 

I was about to speak up, having begged him while looking into his cold eyes.

But to my surprise, my boss spoke first.

“We’ve met before, right?”

His voice was deeply twisted. It sounded like he didn’t even want to say hello. I looked between them and took a step back.

‘…Can’t you just break up with that bastard?’

To my boss, who’s said that,

‘If you’re grateful, introduce me to that bastard.’

I’m introducing Shinhyeok Woo to him as if it were his birthright.

I could’ve just ignored Shinhyeok and held out, but how did it come to this? Burdened with foolish regret, I finally opened my tight lips.

“Hyung, we’re living together now.”

“…What?!”

“W-We’re living together….”

The person I’m living with—that was all I had prepared to say. In fact, the first words that came to mind when I thought I should introduce him were,

—I’m indebted to him.

…But if I said that, Shinhyeok Woo would immediately fly into a rage. Even now, he was looking at me with that incredulous gaze.

I thought that saying we were living together would be a sufficiently indirect but truthful answer. Since no words could define this relationship, which is neither entirely peaceful nor entirely unsettling….

“I’m Jaehee Lee’s lover.”

Shinhyeok took a few steps closer, extending his hand.

“…….”

“……”

As I looked at Shinhyeok Woo with a flushed face, it was clear his mood was twisted. Yet Shinhyeok’s face was oddly calm. Before I knew it, we stood shoulder to shoulder, facing my boss. My mind was reeling, unable to process what I’d just heard. I knew he could be petty without using violence, but….

“Let’s shake hands.”

As if he didn’t even find it embarrassing, Shinhyeok held out his hand for quite a while.

“Ha.”

My boss, who clearly didn’t want to associate with him, had no choice but to extend his hand.

Shinhyeok immediately released his grip, casting an indifferent glance around the shop, and then pulled out a chair for me to sit on. Sitting down next to me, he spoke to my boss.

“Give him a bowl of scorched rice.”

“……….”

There was no need to say how guilty I felt towards my boss after reuniting with him after a year.

****

“Whew….”

My boss, handing me the bowl of scorched rice, sighed deeply. I took the bowl in silence as well.

Only Shinhyeok, who sat with his legs crossed towards me, wore a relaxed expression.

‘No, hyung, it’s not like that…’ 

I tried to deny Shinhyeok’s demand for scorched rice a mere minutes ago. As I hurriedly tried to form my words, my boss, glaring at Shinhyeok with a twisted face, finally turned to me. The anger on his face gradually faded.

‘….Did you really want that?’

The kind you used to make for me in the early morning.

‘You didn’t even eat it much back then…’

‘………’

No, I did eat it, hyung.

‘Seriously, your taste buds are so simple.’

And my boss silently turned to the kitchen.

When I belatedly turned my eyes toward Shinhyeok Woo in resentment, his face had a faint smile as if he didn’t see the problem. Then, his gaze grew darker as his eyes surveilled, disturbed, and read every detail of my own expression. …‘Lover’. The moment I recalled that word, my cheeks burned, and I turned my head.

‘—I’ve answered. Think carefully.’

I didn’t know I would be confronted like this, unexpectedly, with your response, which I’d been avoiding trying to read. The vast distance between us seems to mean nothing to you. My heart thumped erratically.

Looking down at the bowl my boss handed me, I wondered if I should eat it alone. When I looked up, I could tell my boss had no appetite, and there was never any food sharing with Shinhyeok in the first place.

“Eat.”

“Eat.”

Both of them, each with a different tone of coldness, spoke at the same time. I watched as the indignant face clashed with the slyly smiling face, and I resignedly picked up my spoon.

In the uncomfortable atmosphere, I silently emptied the bowl. It wasn’t particularly flavorful, but it was more to satisfy my craving for nostalgia than anything else. As I looked down at the familiar bowl, my heart stirred. 

During that time, I was in a lot of pain, and although I couldn’t remember it that vividly, I felt a lot of gratitude then. Have you been well, hyung? I held my tongue. I was watching for the right moment to speak when my boss abruptly spoke first.

“Hey, is that guy treating you well?”

The fact that was his main concern demonstrated he really was an incorrigibly kind person.

How can I reassure my boss? I locked eyes with him, thinking. …The very act of bringing that difficult and scary guy here with me should be an answer in itself, shouldn’t it? A response containing some semblance of life, even if it’s not perfectly fitting or peaceful.

Sensing the stare, he turned his head to Shinhyeok Woo. Shinhyeok, holding a cigarette between his lips, looked back at my boss as if asking why he even cared about that. 

My boss, picking up on the tension, shot a direct question at Shinhyeok before I could respond.

“Do you treat him well?”

The tone was distinctly aggressive. Without hesitation, Shinhyeok replied.

“I do.”

The kindness which torments me in ways indistinguishable from violence. The kindness that oscillates between whimsical and rule-filled. …Gradually wearing me down.

“Do you remember beating him, making him cry, and endlessly harassing him?”

My boss didn’t back down.

“Of course I do.”

And neither did Shinhyeok Woo.

“Then how can you come and say that now….!?”

“You. Finish that up.”

At Shinhyeok’s casual demand, I instinctively picked up my spoon again while he drummed his fingers on the table. This sort of thing happened so frequently. Shinhyeok, watching my hand move again, answered with feigned sincerity.

“Now I go out of my way to treat him well, so mind your business.”

I couldn’t look my boss directly in the face.

Shinhyeok Woo didn’t light his cigarette until we left the store.

“Next time, make sure you come alone.”

“…..Okay.”

I glanced at Shinhyeok, smoking some distance away, and replied quietly. In the end, I got up from my seat only just before the store opened. I hadn’t managed to have a proper conversation with my boss, and even now, as he came to see me off, he still wore a dissatisfied expression, which made me feel guilty…

“You’re okay, right?”

“…….”

Am I okay or not? I hadn’t figured out the answer yet… but I was glad I came to see him. I was thankful we could meet before winter was over.

“Hyung, I… I was really grateful. I wanted to say thank you…”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not ready to accept your thanks just yet. Even though that bastard acts so shamelessly, I think he’s infatuated with you. Give him a hard time, okay? Don’t respond to him, don’t even look at him…”

I silently laughed while listening to my boss’s passionate words. At the end of my laughter, I turned to look at Shinhyeok Woo again. His shoulders were sharp and precise, his body firm and elongated, and his cold, beautiful gaze showed attachment to nothing. When I look at him from afar, I still get confused sometimes. How did I end up falling for someone like that? Why are you trying to tie me down beside you? I knew how violent, tender, and frightening the time spent alone with this intimidating man could be now. 

“…Even now…”

“Hm?”

“…It still feels like I’m having a hard time.”

Because he’s living with me.

At my softly added comment, my boss’s face twisted.

“That’s what worries me about you…!”

“Hyung, there’s nothing to—”

“There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

Shinhyeok Woo, who’d covered the distance to us in barely a few steps, suddenly spoke before immediately grabbing my hand and pulling me away.

I quickly said goodbye to my boss, whose mouth was agape in disbelief, and was ushered into the car by Shinhyeok’s familiar hand. As soon as we were alone, he grabbed my waist, and we kissed for a long time. When I grabbed his hand, which was trying to slip inside my clothes, Shinhyeok Woo gave a light laugh and spoke.

“You got permission from that bastard hyung, so you have nowhere to turn now.”

“………”

I’m sure nobody would agree with a statement like that, so I didn’t even bother responding.

****

March came suddenly.

Waking up in the morning to leave the house, finding my way to the lecture hall, sitting down with strangers in classes, taking notes, reading textbooks, listening attentively—everything felt indescribably awkward. During the first week of the semester, I often found myself spaced out. And even without much trouble, I fell into a deep sleep every night.

Shinhyeok Woo, who I thought would sneer at how I was handling things, went through an even more sensitive week than I did. It made me a bit embarrassed how he paid such close attention to my routine of going from home to school and various places within the campus, making sure I got home before sunset. Between preparing for exams and dealing with household matters, Shinhyeok Woo barely had enough time, no matter how many personnel he had. 

I’m not going to run away. I’ll be home soon. 

To convey those sentiments, I diligently responded to his messages. When he called, I briefly answered. As long as I didn’t avoid him, our calls lasted only a short time.

One afternoon, just before class was about to start, and as I was about to hang up the phone, Shinhyeok Woo called out to me.

[Hey, Jaehee Lee.]

“Yeah.”

I heard a low tongue click on the other end of the line.

[…If I end up failing my studies and having to rely on my connections, it’s all your fault.]

It was a voice that conveyed irritation. I responded quietly.

“Okay.”

[……….]

Shinhyeok Woo blames me for everything. It would only be hard on me if I assigned meaning to everything he said. After all, he’s going to misunderstand and distrust me for the rest of his life anyway.

On Friday, we went home together. I had no intention of attending any welcome parties for the new semester and thought about returning home early to take a nap, but instead of the driver I’d grown familiar with over the past week, Mr. Hyunseong Kim came to pick me up. 

I spent the next two hours reading a book in the familiar car. I knew Shinhyeok went to law school somewhere other than our old university, but entering the gates of such a renowned university made me feel strange. Despite his usual aversion to looking after his father, Shinhyeok Woo is surprisingly diligent and responsible.

The moment Shinhyeok got into the car, he snatched the book out of my hand and spoke.

“Don’t bother paying so much attention to your grades. It’s annoying to see you doing assignments at home. Just aim to pass…”

“……..”

I burst out laughing. I’d just been praising him for how diligent he was. I’d already prepared to be forced to skip school, possibly, but… he was really something else. 

You’re so weird; you’re the only person in the world who would say that. 

As I watched him, Shinhyeok Woo’s expression suddenly turned dark. He immediately pulled me in, and after having my lips sucked for a long time, I was finally able to breathe properly. Up close, Shinhyeok smiled, his eyes shining.

“Jaehee Lee is smiling for once.” 

“……..”

“There’s something special about that shitty school.”

I thought the same thing. Seeing Shinhyeok Woo smile purely out of joy was also a rare moment for me. Am I capable of making you happy sometimes? Could it be that I, the person you scold every day for being pathetic and cowardly, sometimes bring you joy?

That day, we ate dinner with a mild wine that didn’t even give me a headache, and then I fell asleep early. Though I expected to sleep in late, I woke up briefly in the early hours, and seeing Shinhyeok’s sleeping face right in front of me gave me a strange feeling.

Maybe he hadn’t been sleeping well for a few days; his closed eyes and cheeks were sunken, making him look haggard. Even in sleep, his insistence on not letting go of his sharp tension spoke volumes about what kind of person he was. I was being held by the waist, unable to move.

There are times when Shinhyeok Woo’s sleeping face makes my heart ache.

As big and strong as he is, sometimes it seems like he struggles to handle foolish little me.

I’d never associated happiness with Shinhyeok. I considered him someone who would grasp what he wanted, even if it made others miserable. It’s not like he enjoyed being constantly rejected and arguing. When I thought of that, I foolishly felt sympathy. Shinhyeok will live his life this way forever, just like I will. People don’t change easily.

Perhaps that’s why it was possible.

Since we were so different, like scenes from separate landscapes with no point of contact. Knowing that, I could let myself fall for you. Because I knew from the start—like gazing at a distant landscape, yearning for a world I’d never seen, and feeling the familiar heartache from my youth—that you were a light I could never reach.

Shinhyeok Woo tries to change others completely, while I don’t want to exert any influence. Shinhyeok confirms his peace of mind by destroying and tearing others apart, while I confirm mine by leaving them alone.

Even after enduring such a harsh season, Shinhyeok still wants to keep me by his side. And after all that’s happened, I am tinged with fear at the thought of living with this man.

We’ll continue like this for a while. Each in our own way, as long as his heart remains here with me.

As I tilted my head, I felt his warm breath touch the tip of my nose.

Remembering Shinhyeok’s broad smile and the deep kiss in the car, I felt a tingle at my fingertips. If these moments accumulate, maybe someday we’ll talk about that ancient light, the darkness we emerged from, and my long, long tunnel.

“……..”

The day will come when we, who stand at an angle, will truly face each other.

Listening to his calm, scattered breathing, I closed my eyes.

For the first time in a long while, I dreamed not of the familiar past but of a distant future.