Treatment - Chapter 19

Spring passed by slowly.

While I often felt good, I still praised myself for not letting my guard down. This meant that we quarreled more frequently.

Whenever he was leaving me to attend school, Shinhyeok Woo used the phrase ‘letting you loose outside.’ Does he think that I should stay at home every day, keeping myself free while he rushes around busy all the time? Though I know I have no right to say this since I’m indebted to him, I can’t understand Shinhyeok, who remains unsatisfied even after taking away all my freedom. Apart from when I was in class, I’ve never once avoided his calls.

There were times when I had to go out to buy textbooks or for group projects. Occasionally, I took the opportunity to walk along the riverside alone or sit somewhere to call my mom. People I recognized from Shinhyeok’s organization sometimes followed me, though I wasn’t always aware of their presence.

On one Sunday afternoon, unable to bear the chilly atmosphere, I spoke up.

“Want to go for a walk?”

I endured Shinhyeok’s accusatory glare with a sullen heart.

Why is he angry? I’d only mentioned my schedule for the next week as a response to Shinhyeok complaining about how I was late one day for this reason and another day for that reason.

‘On Monday, I have a group project after class, but I’ll be back before dinner. And then, I have a meeting with one of my professors on either Wednesday or Thursday—I’m not sure yet. And… Mom also asked me to have dinner with her….’

‘…….’

Shouldn’t he stop getting angry over the same things repeatedly if he’s decided to let me go to school? Isn’t that the adult thing to do? Even though I now have the courage to criticize him in my head, my tongue still freezes when faced with Shinhyeok Woo’s cold demeanor.

It’d been raining since the morning. As I watched the light raindrops fall, the thought of the smell of wet soil, wild grasses, and flowers teasing my nose made me long to go outside.

Shinhyeok Woo, who had looked up from his book, glared at the jacket I was holding and then stood up. He knocked the jacket out of my hand with a sharp gesture and pulled me towards the window. He sat us down in the large, comfortable chair placed in front of the full-length window in the bedroom. Overlooking buildings, roads, the river, and the promenade, this was where I sometimes sat to pass the time when Shinhyeok wasn’t home. Now, this place had such a thing.

“Enjoy it from here.”

His tone was as if he were utterly fed up. I could almost hear him telling me I was going to catch a cold. But Shinhyeok underestimates my physical condition too much.

“… Go study.”

I said, gently removing his arm from around my waist. I didn’t want to disturb his studying if he wasn’t going out with me. Without replying, he nibbled my neck. Living in such a spacious house, clinging to each other like this anywhere other than the bed, makes me a bit embarrassed. Shinhyeok Woo wrapped his legs around me and pulled me into a half-reclining position.

There was a time when I couldn’t directly face this rainy landscape.

Somewhere far below, among the tiny figures walking on the ground, I felt that my past self might still be out there. On that day, when the rain stopped, I returned to my old semi-basement room, holding my tattered body covered in blood and s*men.

Knowing that I was already irrevocably soaked, I no longer avoided it. Whenever it rained, I always felt like I was wrapped in Shinhyeok Woo’s embrace. No matter how cozy and comfortable the place I was in or how warm the blanket wrapped around me, I couldn’t stop that rain from seeping into my bones.

As I’d already realized, this was my inevitable fate. The awareness that nothing could erase it scares me, but Shinhyeok Woo calls me foolish for thinking like that. He said there was no way I could escape. Reflected in the window, Shinhyeok Woo was holding me from behind, his face buried in my neck.

“……”

I always think that Shinhyeok Woo’s feelings for me could change at any time. That’s why I carefully handle what this child gives me without causing too much damage. I try not to become too reckless, not because I have a strong will to live passionately, but because I don’t want to collapse again. If I lose all confidence in living, I wouldn’t know what to do then.

I also think about Shinhyeok Woo’s peace, which comes from his efforts and hardship. Though he’s the one who carved unforgettable violence into me and imprisoned me in unending rain, I, who cannot forget the light of that winter, sincerely hope that this man can live happily.

“You….”

Shinhyeok Woo’s low voice came from behind my neck. Our eyes met beyond the rain-soaked window.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Cold fingers closed my eyes.

His tone was as sharp as a knife, but the hand touching my eyelids was gentle. A low rumble of thunder echoed in the distant sky. Another fierce and restless storm was about to seep into me.

As his familiar scent mixed with my breath, a wet tongue invaded my lips. Shuddering at the vision of water filling a dark tunnel, I felt the arm wrapped around my waist turn me around to hold me. My chest heaved, but soon enough, I caught my breath. In the watery veil that reached my nose, I’ve become somewhat used to breathing.

Beyond the illusion of light piercing through my eyes, I reached out toward your sturdy back. Slowly, my heart came into sync with yours in an offbeat rhythm that stopped you from pulling me down and me from simply watching you.

… Like that, we managed to be together.

<END>